RaNdOm AcCeSs HuMoR
Not a significant source of depression, dogma, self pity,
whining, or other non-funny extremist nonsense.
Total Jokes: 130
Displayed using 100% recycled electrons.
Filmed before a virtual W³ audience.
Random Access Humor is an irregular production of:
Industrial Smoke & Mirrors, Ltd.
32768 Infinite Loop
Sillycon Valley, CA. 80486-DX2
USA, Earth, Sol System, Milky Way
Kung Pao Har Hoo, M.D., Ph.D., D.Sc., F.A.C.S., C.P.A.,
S.P.C.A., Y.M.C.A., L.E.D., Q.E.D., op.cit., et. al.
President, CEO, Resident Overachiever
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
The "look and feel" of Random Access Humor has been specifically
earmarked, spindled and polygraphed. Anyone who attempts to copy
this look and feel without the express written consent of the publisher
will be fed to rabid, radioactive hamsters by our Security Director,
Vinnie "The Knife" Calamari.
This site is rated PI. The content here is Politically
Those with closed minds should go no further.
Your use of this site constitutes your acceptance of and agreement to
be bound by our Terms of Service.
Dr. Hoo's patented World Wide Web Search Engine Flypaper ®
(Slogan: Tricking cyber-weenies into reading something useful
since last Thursday.)
Copyright © 1996-2002 Industrial Smoke & Mirrors, Ltd. All Rights Reserved
(People who never mature, at least on certain levels.)
All their tantrums won't bring back their power...
GOP to Senator Jeffords
"You are the weakest link, goodbye!"
(one or more countries located somewhere in Europe.)
Hyphenated name or not, this was definitely a shotgun wedding.
Pat Buchanan (Journalist, political common tater.)
"Decency. My concept of it, not yours, pinhead!"
H. Ross Perot
(Hearer of sucking sounds - formerly sold vacuum cleaners.)
"Pay attention to me...I'm rich!"
Jimmy Carter (Georgia peanut. Former democrat farmer.)
I'm no longer the worst president in U.S. history.
William Jefferson "Yes, Dear" Clinton
(former governor of Arkansas)
"Hey, no one with Jefferson in his name could be
a bad president! Right?Right??"
Hillary Rodham Clinton
(Absolute expert on everything, except her own legal career.)
"Now that this election is over, I'm back in your face!
No, not on your face, dear."
"I can't believe I ate the whole thing!"
Get Over It! (What the liberals need to do.)
A wonderful, politically incorrect song by The Eagles from their 1994
album, Hell Freezes Over. Doesn't everyone know some folks
whose inner children could use a good spanking?
Bob Dole (Former senator and presidential candidate.)
"I do so have more charisma than a pineapple!"
Sex, Drugs (well, alcohol & caffeine), Guns, and Rock & Roll.
These are a few of our favorite things... The first of these is arguably
best of all, so why is it the toughest to find (at least in reasonable
and quantity)? Alright, some of us do have better luck than others...
Ted Kennedy (Profession pain feeler and part-time stunt driver.)
"Come on down to the Ted Kennedy Driving School!
We'll show you how to make a real splash!"
(A fair actor, but a great President. If only he remembered.)
"Duh... Which way did he go, George?"
George H.W. Bush (Former war hero and commander-in-chief.)
"Off a bridge, senility breath! Don't you remember anything?"
National Transportation Safety Board
"We strongly recommend against riding in any form of motorized conveyance
operated by a member of the Kennedy family.
Particularly if said conveyance will be operated near any body of water."
Dave "The Procrastinator" Bealer
(Programmer, humorist, cat ownee.)
"Was Wile E. Coyote a member of MENSA?"
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, (you know the rest.)
"Those bloody Vikings are at it again!
Oh, and baked beans are off!"
Al "The Black Knight" Gore
George W. "King Arthur" Bush
"You're a looney!"
Al "The Black Knight" Gore
"The New Democrat always triumphs!"
French Taunter (John Cleese in a stupid medieval costume.)
"I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster,
and your father..smelt..of elderberries!"
Vinnie "The Knife" Calamari (Security Director of ISM, Ltd.)
"Hey, your mother didn't happen to be a rabid,
radioactive hamster? Like this one?"
Arthur, King of the Britons & all his daffy English K-niggets.
"Run away! Run away! Flee! Run away! Run away! I did it again!"