Best of RAH96:
Odd Parity - 12/96

Miscellaneous insanity from both the online and "real" worlds.

Legal Briefs

"If you like laws and sausages, you should never watch either one being made." - Otto Von Bismarck

"It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Someone has tabulated that we have 35 million laws on the books to enforce the ten commandments." - Bert Masterson

"Lawyers are...operators of the toll bridge across which anyone in search of justice must pass." - Jane Bryant Quinn

"My daddy is a movie actor, and sometimes he plays the good guy, and sometimes he plays the lawyer." - Malcolm Ford, on what his father (Harrison Ford) does for a living.

"A peasant between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats." - Spanish proverb

"When God wanted to chastise mankind, He invented lawyers." - Russian proverb.

"Client, n. A person who has made the customary choice between the two methods of being legally robbed." - Ambrose Bierce

"I get paid for seeing that my clients have every break the law allows. I have knowingly defended a number of guilty men. But the guilty never escape unscathed. My fees are sufficient punishment for anyone." - F. Lee Bailey

"Fools and obstinate men make lawyers rich." - Henry George Bohn

"Judge: A law student who marks his own examination papers." - H. L. Mencken

"The halls of justice. That's the only place you see the justice, is in the halls." - Lenny Bruce

"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer." - Robert Frost

"We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read." - Mark Twain

"I'm not an ambulance chaser. I'm usually there before the ambulance." - Melvin Belli

"Can any of you seriously say the Bill of Rights could get through Congress today? It wouldn't even get out of committee." - F. Lee Bailey

"Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives." - Roy Blount, Jr.

"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer." - Henry Kissinger

"A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless paid for." - English proverb.

"Doctors purge the body, preachers the conscience, lawyers the purse." - German proverb.